There are BFFs, and then there are BFFs.
While driving to work one day this week, I reflected on how I’ve noticed that I am “in my element” more with certain people than others. Some folks just seem to elicit more of my humor. I find myself more creative around them, more energized. Our interactions are flavored with mutual respect and possibilities for helping each other capitalize on our strengths and thrive. They help me scale to the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy, and create a climate in which I am more self-aware.  I have stumbled across these individuals in every season of life, and they make for enduring friendships and professional collegiality.

On the other hand…you have probably observed, like me, that around some individuals you tend to “shut down.” Finding topics of common interest and building rapport feel much more arduous. Humor doesn’t flow nearly as well. You feel, well, boring around these persons, and your own negative attributes seem more pronounced in these moments. Sometimes this occurs with someone who, ostensibly, has enough in common with you to lead you to assume a natural rapport—but for whatever reason, it just isn’t there. And you have to move on.

This first category of people, those who naturally resonate with you, are on what I term the same “frequency” as you.  Therefore, I am calling them BFFs: “Best Frequency Friends” (as opposed to the popular “Best Friends Forever,” which they certainly can and should become since the frequencies are in synch).

It’s good to pay attention to the BFFs that we come across. These are sacred relationships, and must be cultivated.

Perhaps you can brainstorm a mental short list right now of which persons you know whom you would call a Best Frequency Friend. Consider how you can spend more time with them, or interact with them a little more through social media  and phone calls if they live far away. Likewise, consider the names of those persons who de-energize you and increase the likelihood of your self-esteem taking a nosedive; and determine how you might (politely, of course) be around them a little less, if possible.

Your BFFs are out there. It’s just a matter of constant growth in self-awareness in order to keep tuning in to the right relational frequencies.

John M. DeMarco is a writer, executive coach, and activist based in Nashville, Tennessee.